IN ORDER TO FEEL ACCEPTED AND supported by our environment, self-respect and the respect of others is essential. But many of us have not required others to treat us with respect and we often disrespect ourselves. To change this pattern, we need to cultivate a pinball-machine mentality and, when treated rudely or when overly jostled by demanding people including ourselves, go tilt and refuse to cooperate.
The first and foremost important step we can take toward a life characterized by respectfulness is to tilt at any disrespect we show ourselves. The habit of self-disrespect is not an easy one to break, but we can do it. Gently and without recrimination, we need to observe our self-talk for signs of devaluing and blaming; then we can return to a supportive, no-fault attitude toward ourselves by creating self-talk that underscores and bolsters our self-respect. For instance, when we hear our inner voice saying something disrespectful such as “I can’t do anything right,” we need to stop and say, “Whoops, that’s not true!” and alter the statement to a considerate one.
The same principle is true when we begin insisting on respect from others as well. If at work you are given responsibility without power or are expected to jump at the first scream from overly demanding and spoiled children or adults at home, ask yourself if you feel respected. If the answer is no, tilt! Since it’s true that we teach people how to treat us, refusing to be treated shabbily is essential in earning the respect of others.
Although at first the people around us may be surprised by and resistant to our new call for respect, generally, we’ll ultimately receive the treatment we persist in requesting.
I deserve to be respected.
I respect myself.
I expect and insist that others treat me with respect.
*Women’s book of Confidence by Sue Patton Thoele
