It is wonderful that we no longer deny the dysfunction of our families of origin or even the families we created, but there is a danger now that we may dwell on the dysfunction and deny any nurturing we received. Almost all of us have moments in our past when we felt loved and supported. Remembering those good times underscores and bolsters our belief in our own lovability.
Allowing ourselves to recall pleasant memories facilitates our healing and fosters forgiveness of both our parents and ourselves as parents. None of us had – or were – perfect parents, but there are probably at least slivers of healthy recollections that we can give thanks for.
If we’re suffering stabs of guilt over how we have been parenting our children, it’s especially important that we accentuate our functional behavior in order to build on it. If we persist in emphasizing our dysfunctional actions, we will only discourage ourselves and make healthy change more difficult.
In a quiet alone time, or with a trusted friend, make a list of any times you remember being happy or contented as a child. Replay those minutes or hours. Savor them. Relive the feelings and give thanks for the experiences. Then make a separate list of times you have felt pleased with and proud of your own parenting skills. Share those memories with your mate, children, or a friend. Give yourself credit for a job well done.
Accentuating the functional encourages us to trust ourselves. It gives us a surplus of strength we can draw on for support when we need to look at dysfunction in our life in order to heal it and move on.
~I am thankful for my past – both the challenging and the rewarding parts of it.
~I accentuate the positive in my background without denying the painful.
~I am a caring parent to myself and my children.
*Courtesy of The Woman’s Book of Confidence
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